Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
Wicked And Other Works Of Fiction
I have hit about 47,000 words! I can't believe how it practically writes itself. My characters are in a world of their own, I just take dictation...
I estimate about another 10-15,000 words to go, and I want to finish in just over a month. I really should get cracking!!!
Though, H said last night that it took Meg Cabot something like three years to get published *sigh* I really don't want to be trying for that long. But I think I'll start my second and third books as soon as the editing is done for the first one. Apparently that looks good to an agent, and now that I'm in he swing of it and I realize just how happy it makes me to do it I just don't want to stop :-)
In other news, I am addicted to getting my tarot read. I would do it every week if I could. It helps that my reader is lovely and relatively accurate, though I hate the generic "you will meet a man who will love you just the way you are" that I get every time. Nobody loves me just the way I am, not even my own mother!
Writer's Block: ONTD Games Giveaway
Which video game character would you like to have as your real-life BFF? One random response will win a $60 Amazon gift card! [Full contest rules here.] Don't forget to share your favorite gamer moments on
Wacko Warner, from Animaniacs, because he's completely insane and he keeps a potty in his jacket pocket. How handy would that be on long trips?!?
Dark, and twisty, and silent
Barely spoken to my family in three weeks. Can't be bothered. Have written over 14,000 words in two months! Am up to the romance bit though, so am a bit stumped. My mother thinks I can't write romance because I've never had any, which is true but it's not why I can't write it. I mean, I've never met a vampire either, have I??? I am so dark and twisty inside, when I write that's what comes out.
I can't f-ing wait! Can't wait to see H and the kids again. It is so weird not seeing them like I used to, I mean I know it was only like three times a year but still that's three more than it has been.
And I can't for the two of us to have a serious conversation about writing, and we can sort our proposals and everything. It's taken 30 years, but I think I'm finally getting serious :)
Hating my life today
I hate my mother right now, does that make me an awful person? I mean, I feel awful for doing it, but I really think she's not a nice person. At all.
I feel surreal, like my image of life has been smashed with this realisation. Maybe I just need a break.
My sister is also a useless b*tch, who can't keep her big FAT mouth shut. My brother, he gets it, but he's under the delusion that he's free. Sweetie, wake up! You're not free, you're under her thumb. Just the way she likes you!
And I just want to cry.
The only thing I've got right now is my book. I think. I am torn between wanting someone to tell me it's good, and wanting to keep it to myself until it is finished.
I'm broken. And I just want to give up. I just want to sit here in a corner and not give a cr@p about anything at all.
Another holiday ticker!
No, I refuse.
I suppose you have to laugh, I mean what else can you do? I have never worked anywhere where the sexism is so blatantly obvious. Mind you, I guess in my previous jobs most of my workmates were female so it would have been difficult. But here...
"Boss-Man" emails The Idiot (the only other male in our team) about work that CW (the other female) is doing. And yet The Idiot has no fucking ideas what's going on, and so CW and I have to sorta say "No actually, this is what's going on...".
I tell you, it's completely ridiculous.
But The Idiot loves it, if someone asks him a question he never refers to who it really should be directed to. He blithers on like he knows what he's talking about when clearly he doesn't, or once he actually just sat there staring until I directed the poor guy to CW! It's totally fucked up. Sometimes I just want to scream.
And then to top it all off, there's a rumour that "Boss-Man" is going to tell CW NOT to do my work while I'm away for two weeks. And then, I'll really want to smash his stupid face in!
Also, my mother is convinced I am not getting enough nutrients. Honestly don't know if it's the newfound vegetarianism that's got her riled or the new diet. I mean really, what is she on about? Mind you, this IS the woman who is adamant that there's iron in fish...
I am so bored...
This song says basically STFU, try being me...
Well, I think so anyway. But then, there's a few people I'ld like to say that too so it may just be my interpretation.
"...I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone..."
And I wonder sometimes where I find the energy to be bothered with these people who treat me like I don't matter. No wonder I'm so stressed out, it seems my mother isn't the only one who worries about everyone...
Mood: Fed Up
I wish I had the time to wander around the office bitching and moaning like a whiny baby, like SOME people in this office. But I don't, because I have TOO MUCH ACTUAL WORK TO DO. I barely have time to go and get coffee! Which incidentally I need, because that lazy fucker to my left has turned the AC on and it's NOT EVEN HOT. It's bloody freezing! I know, I'm colder than most, but it's still even by NORMAL standards not hot in here!!!
On top of it all, I have a splitting headache.
I need a day off. Or seven...
Oh, the humanity!
OMG, I would like to "domestic battery" both these girls!!!
Wound Up in Wellington
Dontcha hate it when your "boss" decides you're not doing part of your job efficiently enough and so takes over (instead of telling you...) but DOES IT ALL WRONG? No? Well I do! Instead of talking, this team just does things at random all willy-nilly, and doesn't even consult or discuss with other members of the team it may impact. It's completely ridiculous!
In other news, Dee is pregnant. I feel as if she is sucking me back in to her orbit, I wish we could go back to the beginning when everything was awesome. Before everything she did started to piss me off, and before I realised she was a whack-job.
Also, Lina-bean's little one is now crawling. Albeit like a caterpillar, but still he's getting from A to B. He's like a little sponge, learning new things. Even at 9 months (tomorrow), he imitates and is fascinated by new things to learn.
Nothing else is new, I continue to ignore the novel trapped in my head. I kinda like my new place, it's not great but it'll do til next October when I am debt-free. Work is like torture, but I love it. And the world keeps spinning...
The cutest thing EVAR!!
When I grow up I totally want to be a cloud...
Okay, this morning I get this in my email box...
"I just found this while looking in the online bills shared drive. I think it would make more sense if it read "The heading [quote.in]([citation]Subpart [xref]4[/xref][/citation]) Status of special care recipients subject to sentences[/quote.in] was struck out by majority by the Select Committee." Unless there is a reason not to, can we please make this the Bills style from now on."
Which means that 'boss-man' has been snooping through my files, and poking around in them to see what I've been doing.
And I really want to reply "just F- off" but don't think that's quite appropriate.
What a wanker. I think you are full of crap.
And I say:
Please don't snoop through my files and second-guess me, if you didn't want to leave me with the authority to make the call maybe you should have shown an interest in the beginning! I've been told so many times "it's up to you" or "do whatever you think..." but then why is he telling me I'm doing it wrong???
F- off 'boss-man', and stop trying to show your authority by bossing me around and sticking your nose in where it's not needed or wanted. Mind your own business, I don't care what you think!
When life gives you lemons...
Vengeance is sweet, they say. So after being kept up til late by my flatmate and her idiot visitor (who actually said "this bin is hard to navigate..." - only if you're a retard! It's a bin for Christ's sake) that I "accidentally" slammed the bathroom door when I got up at 5 am this morning. I was awash with satisfaction when I heard said flatmate get up a few seconds later. Is that bad?
Also I am getting very good at faking it, she actually asked me why I'm not going to Harry Potter with HER on Wednesday. Mind you I sorta looked at her blankly and vaguely said "o, I usually go with Mag-pie...", but she didn't seem any the wiser. She's clearly deluded herself into believing that I accepted that it's all my fault and accepted that I'm an asshole, and that I've forgiven and forgotten. I should get an Oscar...
Just when I thought I couldn't be any more surprised by what Dee says, she out does herself.
She has silicon bakeware (which she treats like cr@p anyways, and cooks all and sundry in), and I used it on Saturday to make brownies. When I washed the pizza mess out of it (from dinner two days before) I noticed a rather large rip in the side...
Not me, I've never actually used it before. So I shrugged my shoulders and went "whatever". However when I cut the brownies from said bakeware I accidentally sliced a small cut in it.
She just texted me "did you cut the brownie out of the container?". Not wanting to admit it, I said it just plopped out (which it did, after I cut it up still inside the thing...) but that I had noticed a U-shaped hole when I was washing it to use. She returns with "no, knife shaped hole. I ALWAYS make sure there aren't knives anywhere near it".
When I made the slice, I really didn't care because 1. Dee never gives a cr@p about MY things (only what SHE owns) and 2. there was already a huge hole in it. But o no, it's my fault that it's ruined. And o no, you never EVER make mistakes because you are just PERFECT. What a fuck-wit.
I am so sick of the condescending, self-righteous, selfish, BITCH.
Mood: pissed off
Got drunk and fell down?
Okay, I have a pretty good memory of what happened on Friday. I wasn't really all that drunk. But I am baffled as to how I got covered in bruises, and how I hurt my knee.
The theory among us Brookers people is that I was pounced on by a nephew, and that is possibly true. I did get quite a jolt when he flew at me for a hug, that's possibly how I twisted my knee. But the bruises?
Are these related to a sloth? They have very similar claws, I notice. I also notice the Zookeepers' use of a surrogate "mum". Very interesting.
I can't really be that old, as I am quite looking forward to getting so drunk that I fall down (because, as I have said before, when the going gets tough the tough get drunk and fall down). If I was really an adult I would be having a nice quiet dinner party, with wine and friends, and absolutely no novelty shaped cakes!
So I maintain that I am not yet "old" and therefore have plenty of time to do the things I always meant to do! And if I say that enough, I may just convince myself...
I have a question: How do you tell someone that it's okay to not be conceited? Because it's driving me crazy...
I sometimes wonder if everyone goes through life stumbling blindly from place to place, so lost they can't stop, and so afraid they daren't look back. Or is it just me?
How interesting that being pretty blinds everyone to your gaping faults. Why do so many people seem to sing her praises, when she's clearly a lazy bitch? Because she's PRETTY! And because she giggles. And because she can bat her eyelashes...
O, it's a sad sad world we live in
Aw, it makes me sad. I'll have to content myself with the knitting of the puppy-jumpers for winter.
I have just been given a rundown of what my Manager actually does each day, and it involves about one hour of work and seven hours of pissing about. No wonder she doesn't really concern herself that noone else here seems to do any work. Damn my parents for giving me a work ethic!
Ferrets are theives, still want one...
A random string of unrelated comments
What is wrong with this "team"? I would really love to know why it is so totally dysfunctional. Noone helps anyone else out, noone bothers to know what anyone else is doing, it's just so ridiculous.
Taking tomorrow off of work, to be with my nephew. Well, nephews really because Lina-Bean is bringing herself and Bubs up for lunch. My mother disapproves of me being "aunty" to Bubs but I don't actually care. It's not like I do it to all and sundry, and it's not like I decided that I would be his aunty. Lina-Bean did it herself, seeing as he has only one (the brother's wife). And she knows I love being an aunty...
I'll say one positive thing about Sarah-Psycho, and then nevermore. She certainly taught OD how to love. He is constantly giving hugs and kisses, and saying he loves us. The upside of which is that he is always reassured that we love him too.
I shall now go back to my XML Bills, we wont even mention the shitty, half-assed job Kirsty-the-lazy-bitch did with her batch. I really wish I could fly through life not giving a crap about anything but fashion and how beautiful I look (and incidentally, I find it intriguing that her boyfriend is nothing to look at, what is it she sees in him? It it the obsessive way he visits and emails her 60 times a day???).